I know it is a bit early to be publishing Christmas themed parodies, and a Jewish conservative blogger may not be the one expected to do so, but "A Chanukah Carol" just doesn't have the same ring. (I always hated making a big deal out of a minor holiday, just to have a "Jewish Christmas" anyway. We don't call Halloween "a gentile Purim", so why "a Jewish Christmas?")But, back to my point. I know it is early, but if stores can already start pushing Christmas items starting on All Saints' Day (the day after Halloween), why can't I put up my parody in mid-November? So, with no farther introduction, allow me to offer for your consideration "Obama's Christmas Carol, A Tale in Three Parts."

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Late one night, after telling Tiny Tim that fixing his legs does not meet cost effectiveness guideline, Barry Obama prepares for a long Christmas nap in the Oval Office. Stretched out on his sofa, he smiles to himself, thinking of all the good he has done. Giving Chrysler to the unions, using the bailout to fund all manner of social programs and community organizers, and, if he didn't manage to hand the census over to ACORN there is still health care nationalization. Still smiling, muttering about "public option" and "individual mandates", he drifts off to sleep.

Only to awake with a start to find George W. Bush standing before him.

Obama: Hey! How did you get in here? You're not president any more!
Bush: I am not George Bush, I am the Ghost of Presidencies Past.
Obama: How can you be a ghost? You're not dead.
Bush: I am an ex-president. Politically I might as well be. (And don't bring up that "Taft was a justice after his presidency" thing. Anyone in their right mind going to put any ex-presidents on the bench? Me? Clinton? Carter? Dad? Are you going to do it? Not a chance!)
Obama: But why you? Why not FDR? He's the president I model myself after.
Bush: Get real! You're no FDR. You're not even a Clinton! You might not even manage to live up to "Carter Mark II" unless things change pretty dramatically.
Obama: Hey! That's not fair! People compare me to JFK!
Bush: He faced down Cuba and fooled around with Marilyn Monroe, that sound like your presidency?
Obama: (stares at the floor)
Bush: I didn't think so. (Pulls open the door to the Oval Office) Let's get going.
Obama: Going? Where?
Bush: You'll see.

And with a mighty tug, the Ghost of Presidencies Past pulled Obama off the sofa and through the door. But instead of the hallway outside, Obama found himself in a smoke filled room, surrounded by bewigged men in knee breeches and long coats, all in animated debate.

Obama: Where are we?
Bush: The Constitutional Convention. (Seeing Obama's blank, if smug, stare) 1787? (Still nothing) Philadelphia?
Obama: (still showing no signs of comprehension) Oh... THAT Constitutional Convention!
Bush: Oh, here! (He pulls out a high school history text. Mumbling, he leafs through the book, looking for a specific chapter..) You must have done a lot more drugs than you admitted in that book. Or else skipped a lot more school. (Hands the book to Obama) Just read that part!
Obama: (Suddenly showing some dim recollection) Oh, that! Yes, think they mentioned that at Harvard... Well, after that week when they told us to discuss how we are all racists inside... And before the debate on jury nullification and civil rights... But... (He snaps his fingers!) Madison! That's the guy! He was there, right?
Bush: (Smacking himself in the head, muttering still.) And they called me a moron. (Louder) Yes, James Madison. Our fourth president. And generally described as "The Father of the Constitution". That's him over there.

The two pushed their way through the enthusiastic crowd, trying to get closer to James Madison, hoping to overhear some of the animated debate in which he was engaged. But, along the way, Obama stopped, apparently distracted.

Obama: Hey, over there!
Bush: Yes, that is...
Obama: (interrupting) The guy from the quarter!
Bush: (sighing and rolling his eyes) You mean George Washington?
Obama: Yeah, him.
Bush: (head shaking) Let's keep going.

Closing in on their target, they began to hear what he was saying. Holding forth at great length, Madison described the principles of the rights of man, of federalism, of the formation of a union of independent states. He made eloquent pronouncements about the way that decentralized power would protect the rights of individuals, that by empowering the states more than the central government, government would be rendered more responsive and less prone to tyranny. On and on it went, a crowd of men gathering around Madison, arguing back and forth about the merits of a stronger or weaker central government. For quite some time the men around them engaged in lively debate, and, despite their many disagreements over details, all agreeing on the need for a government which was the servant of man, which respected his G-d given rights.

At length, Bush turned to Obama, and, seeing him nodding his head, apparently listening quite attentively to the debate, he smiled.

Bush: So, you finally get it? Listening to these men talk about the role of government and the purpose of the Constitution, you finally see?
Obama: (smiling broadly) Yes. I get it now. I was wrong to blame all my misfortunes on you. And I have been going about my presidency in entirely the wrong way. It is wrong for me to simply try to impose massive government programs on the nation from above, to use legislative power to force people to follow my plans.
Bush: (Smiling as well) So, you do get it! Go on...
Obama: These guys are to blame! I have to get rid of that whole Constitution thing first! Then I can enact whatever I want!

And with a groan, Bush waved his arms and the room dissolved in a blur of colors, leaving Obama lying once more on the sofa, the room around him empty. Not a trace remained of his nocturnal visitor from Crawford, nor of his journey into the past...

Stay tuned for the second part of Obama's Christmas Carol, in which Barry Obama is visited by the Ghost of Presidencies Present (the one ghost he wanted to meet more than any other).

NOTE: Apologies in advance for any inconsistency in tense or other technical issues. I wrote this during a lull at work and decided to publish without even my usual inadequate proof reading. When I finish the whole story, perhaps I will publish it again as one long post and will then go back and fix up the typos. (Maybe give it a "director's cut" treatment and throw in some additional material no one ever wanted.) Until then I will try to fix typos as I find them, and will try to ensure the tenses all match, but please bear with me if there are some inconsistencies.

POSTSCRIPT

I know I have been publishing a lot more parody of late. ("The Fallout From July 13, 2009", "I Figured It Out (A Semi-Comic Post)","A New Approach for Israel?", "Best of the Web Imitates Me XXII") But then again, I have always had some room for it ("Breaking News!", "A New Fairy Tale"", "I Have Seen The Light"), so it is not as if it is a new feature. And, quite honestly, I needed to add something a little lighter. Politics tends to be a rather somber field, countless defeats, endless compromises, and even when you have an outright  victory you are just waiting for the other side to take back the gains. So, rather than allow it to get to me, I have decided to lighten up my blog a bit, and these parodic posts are the first attempt to do so. Hopefully my regular readers will find them amusing, or at least not so annoying they flee.